I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
