I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
not ubering you a puppy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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