So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
