Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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