just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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