Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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