I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
