then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
