Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
