Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
