I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
50% drunk capacity currently
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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