so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
