I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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