You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
worst night to have a conscience
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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