It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
