My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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