we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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