If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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