listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
