idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
