so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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