It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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