So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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