i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
