Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i think im in europe. pls send help
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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