I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
