I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Terrible idea I love it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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