I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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