You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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