Got a toothbrush?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
