I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
