alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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