im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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