but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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