i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
