winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
