I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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