32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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