I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
