before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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