You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
