So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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