I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
