you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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