I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
