we should wear snuggies to the strip club
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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