i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
