Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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