I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
