dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
