told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
