note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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