i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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