I can tuck mytits in my pants
Jerry, you need to find god
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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