Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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