So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
