Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
