I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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