Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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