I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
